You know, everyone talks about that change in themselves. The point were we’re supposed to go on this whole ‘finding yourself’ adventure. I always thought that people exaggerated how they felt going through it, but I had a moment; and I’m beginning to understand it.

In the back of my mind I noticed the fact I was changing things. About myself, the way I think && feel, and how I deal with other things. I’ve been known to on occasion get mad at myself and say I’m going to change this or that, and I don’t think it really happened like it should.

Sunday we were at the bar after the softball game like usual. My boyfriend’s friend and I were playing pool and talking when he started asking me random, yet totally normal questions. Just about who I was, what I wanted to do with my life, how things have changed in the last few months with everything going on. It was that point that triggered my “moment” and I realized I was one of those doing a lot of ‘changing.’

Doing things for myself, like joining weight watchers or the gym were just the beginning. Taking on more responsibility like additional credit cards, or other monthly payments. I feel like I’m doing too much and wearing myself too thin. But at the same time, I’m trying to teach myself to make it work.

Just a few months ago I was a lost cause. School wasn’t working out and all my plans were exploding in my face. I didn’t know what I wanted to do, or where to turn. But that eventually changed. New school, new plan. I have to say I’m grateful for being able to go to school and still work the schedule I do. My manager is amazing in that respect. But when I can finally leave Brian’s, that day will be a weight lifted off my shoulders. New Job, New beginning.

I grew up a lot this summer. Took on lots of responsibility… new challenges, different beginnings. It’s been a long ride that seemed to pass by too fast. I’ve mad decisions on a whim that I don’t regret. My opinions about specific people have changed dramatically, and maybe letting go was finally for the better.

The finalizing of my “moment” came on the ride home back to my house later that night. Jessie and I were pretending to argue about a song when I made a smart ass remark. All he did was put up his center console, put his arm around the chair and drag me towards him. Says this is why he loves trucks && kisses me on my head while he drives me home with his arm around me.

At that point I decided:: I like where my “changing” and my “finding myself” is leading. I like the feeling when I do to bed, the accomplishment I feel when the day is done, and being able to wake up in the morning not being a complete bitch.

Basically. Who woulda guessed? I don’t think we really realize where our “changing” is going to lead us until we’re already there. But I can tell that I, as an individual, have drastically changed since just last year. And I like it.

♥♥