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»  Du • d • ek «
07 April 2009 @ 03:02 pm
I sure do take long gaps inbetween uodating my life for the silence of the vast internet we find outselves mixed amoung every day. Thats okay though, I'm bored at work so why not update.

Well, I went back to school! And its totally kicking my ass! But its hard work will pay off in the end, unfortunitly I'm wishing the end was already here. Because I'm so physically and mentally exhausted I don't know what to do with myself half the time. On top of trying to do school I want tohave a life and see my pony and oh LORDY do I have tons of art projects to get crackin on because EVERYONES having babies!

Except me! For a good reason, Id get kicked out of the program! But Jessie and I do have real plans for the future to get married and start a family. We'll set the real gears into motion once we're home from the cruise to alaska and school is finished for both of us! thank god! I can't wait. I think about it all the time, and I just wish it was here sooner rather the later.

I love him. Whole heartedly and I can't wait to spend the rest of our lives together. Hes perfect in a multitude of ways. And I bet Id never find anyone else who could treat me any better. So we'll see how long it takes but I'm hoping in the next two years theres a ring on my finger and were looking at houses! ( and getting another pony for hiiim) ha

I'm working on things with Francine, Steph and I are going riding regularly. I don't see Niko Much, CLINTON"S HOME on US soil again, but hes deffinatly changed since Iraq. Thats life though right, people grow up and change and then who ever is really left is who's only supposed to be there? Well I hate that for the record. I wish we could all stay together even though we go our sperate ways.

Gotta finish up work here so I can go home and study for yet ANOTHER test!. Joy. Well, Sianara.

Where you at?: Work
Look at me!: contentcontent
Rockin' out too: Clara Stapling
»  Du • d • ek «
08 August 2008 @ 01:22 am
Where to begin. I enjoy pooring my heart out to random strangers who probably don't read this journal. which works for me. because its better then my head over flowing with random strange thoughts.

I was originally going to get on here to say How i'm smarter then comcast because I finally fixed my computer. Without internet for the last three months has been slightly difficult due to random bills and such needing to be paid. but .... again, I fixed it all better!

I finished school. Did my extern. Got a real job!. Pulmonary, Critical Care, & Sleep Medicine Associates. Its an awesome job, I love only working with three people, and not getting in trouble for taking a phone call or going to the bathroom. FUCK BRIANS. officially.

Now its off to school again, in October. I THINK. I haven't fully decided yet, because I feel like I'm between that rock & a hard place where I dunno what to do with myself. I want to continue education, but at the same time I'm worried about telling my new job. Shucks. Real life is hard. Its deffinatly not like high school where you show up, make some teachers happy, and part on the weekends after work.

People can be harsh. Noted: That high school kids are the absolute worst. I was just talking about this with co-workers and such. Its amazing how people who don't know you can be so critical and knowledgable about who you are and how you spend your time.

on better notes. Jessie and I are doing amazingly well. We are happy. Celebrated our one year, and are moving forth at good speed. Every day gets a bit sweeter, and I have hope that the future is holding a beautiful round something, and an even larger commitment. I love this man. Fully. He has every once of my energy, respect, attention, and inspiration. Hes been there for me in more ways then most people.

Especially since I feel as though I'm in the process of losing all my best friends. Francine is gone. shes changed, and fucking oblivious. clinton is doing a tour in Iraq. and after Niko's attempted suicid and by some miricle fucking SURVIVED. hes ran away to his mothers in Arizona.

this happened on my birthday.

that 20th birthday, which Iknow is no 21st.. but its still up there. No longer a teenager, finally feeling like i have so much to take care of. you know. responsibility. gosh, who likes that stuff.

My pony is doing wonderfully. We kick ass in games still. Hes totally on his way of being completely decked out in lime green. and we might be getting him a permanant friend. Jessie's thinking about adopting a pony, so spend moooore time with me. ((see, hes a keeper. we share the love of ponies, and he says he loves my ambition of a lottery winning life. You just wait, we'll have it all)).

I'm just bumbed about the friend situation, and decissions about school, and gosh I dunno. whatever.
I see my Aunt tomorrow for lunch. I kinda hope my mom doesnt show up, because I need some quality time with a random person to spill my guys to.

and Rich better meet me for Breakfast on Monday. I need some serious rock out time, and maybe a few tear shed.

Heres to growing up, moving on, being happy with my man Jessie, and living life to the fullest!
Where you at?: bedroom.
Look at me!: cynicalcynical
Rockin' out too: absolutly silence except for my typing.
»  Du • d • ek «
05 March 2008 @ 11:58 pm
Just got back from having a real talk with Jessie.
Pointed out to him that he makes me feel like he holds going to the bar, or just drinking in general, more important then me.
and it went rather well. =)

date just the two of us Friday night!

School will be officially done in 11 school days! (two and a half real weeks)
goshhhhh, Im excited, anxious, nervous, and even a little scared to get this fun stuff on the wwaaayyyyy.

I can't wait for my extern and a real job!!!!!
So off to bed now.
Good news,
good days.
and my ass as even been going to the gym.
fyi, yay for tanning beds! I'm not as blotchy with the leppor print anymore!

Look at me!: anxiousanxious
Rockin' out too: kate Voegele...Kindly Unspoken
»  Du • d • ek «
25 February 2008 @ 08:51 pm
Here I am again. In this sense of longing. Longing for something to change, longing for that next chapter in life, longing to truly make something of myself. Almost as if I'm in a daze, my vision is starting to cloud over. This I find hard. Not truly clouding over, but I'm searching for something. Writing these words makes it feel so surreal anymore. I'm so close, I'm almost there.

Gosh, its been a while. A long time to look back on. Many memories have been created, laughs shared, and hidden tear streaked faces. To think on person could grow so much in such a short period of time.

I've had an old friends confess a dire love to me. Its a strange feeling. But it has opened my eyes, its made me really see. Its all official now, my feelings for Jessie. He's a little more then amazing, much more than perfect. Its downright love. I've come to realize I wouldn't trade the world to give up being wrapped in his arms. I don't seem to believe I could find myself happier anywhere else then right here, right now, with him. I feel safe saying there is a future with this boy. For real.

Just a note. I need a new phone && I can't wait to get rid of this dam NEXTEL! Few more months..

Which goes to the rest of my issues. Money. The true route to all of life's random issues. Finishing school and that real job is so close that it is screwing with my head. Bastards. Funny how my first bajillion pay chekcs are already designated and spent. Makes me laugh slightly. I just wish that I wasn't in such a pickle. Maybe if I can get one more additional extra job, I could be stable and comfortable. We'll see, I keep searching but can't seem to find anything. Go figure.

Now its off to more homework, maybe some room cleaning.... HA! Yeah right! I can't seem to manage to fit that one in. Maybe on friday night-or not- especially since i'm not allowed to hangout with the penis party, even though MISH is. whatever!

Keep following your dreams. Then two of us could have those real jobs and our ponies in the back yard. Unless your Ms. Rachel Guim. and you want to live in NYC and travel the world. ♥ you, ya bum!

♥ sighs..
....here goes nothin'
Where you at?: workish.
Look at me!: exhaustedexhausted
Rockin' out too: WILDRIFE on TV
»  Du • d • ek «
11 February 2008 @ 08:44 pm
I am absolutely 100% in love with my boyfriend.


But, back to my amazing boyfriend.
Allll day Sunday we layed around in bed cuddling watching movies including; Dazed & Confused, The Green Mile, Gridiron Gang, && Wayne's World. Cuddling && smooching, and rubbing for real, and just be cute and warm and stuff together.

well, minus him throwing me off the bed and then landing on top of me. That part kinda sucked a little bit. But at least the rest of it was all good.

Especially with Christian keeping walking by and building a fake door out of hampers and plastic drawers because he assumed we were trying to have sex hardcore.

the best part, is we totally were!

HA. gosh. Love the boy. My boy that is, christian can go suck some ass or something.
but anyhow.
School's almost done this week. Finals on Thursday and then a weeeeeekkkkeeennnddddd aaaawwwwwaaaayyyyyy from life. Gosh I'm excited, trust me... you have no idea. I really Really Really Really am.
To be able to fornicate with my boyfriend as much adn as often and in any way I please. From the bed to theshower, back to the bed, and the shower again in the morning. It's going to be freaking amazing.... But besides all that. I will be able to fall asleep in his arms once again, and when I wake up, he will deffinatly still be there.
I really truely love this boy. No doubt about it.

and I will then be looking forward to cancun!
ALSO. Not to mentionnnnn
VALENTINES DAY. I will officially be considered the best girlfriend EVER.
Where you at?: bedroooooom
Look at me!: anxiousanxious
Rockin' out too: Lennon....And You
»  Du • d • ek «
05 February 2008 @ 10:53 pm
sooo quick update.
Saturday night I found the bar! Didn't get lost! && Trey's band was greeeeaaaatttttttttt.
Sunday I spent allll day running errands before the game. Taking the pony in the park didn't work so good. the bridle broke, he threw me into a tree, and then I feel in the creek. whatever, I'm over it.

Saturday night Jessie ran out of gas, and we never really found anywhere to eat, so we all ended up at Chik-fa-la.
So the game was good, Jessie, apparently, informed me he was annoyed that a I booked a different hotel then the one everyone was staying at. Oh well, hes over it now, I hope anyway.
the game was awesome. we made money off the giants winning!!

the Mutter's museum was a bitch to get to, jessie sent us to the mummers museum, my mom then sent us in the wrong direction, and it was a pointless trip.
I then proceeded to sleep on the bathroom floor untill sixthirty am puking my guts out.
so i end up here. sick & miserable while my boyfriend is at the bar. again.
ANOHER LONG STORY. his best friend weston & the bar. oh weston hates me, and that i go to the bar iwth them. how gaaayyyy.

BUT the best part of tonight--Henery ordered me a TAYLOR JERSEY off ebay, cheaper, and the right one for a 75th anniversary.. SO JESSIE"S GETTING A VDAY PRESENT! whoot.

i'm fabulous now that ONE TREE HILL is finally on after the fucking flyers game.


My boyfriend.

Look at me!: giddygiddy
Rockin' out too: ONE TREE HILL
»  Du • d • ek «
01 February 2008 @ 01:06 am
Jessie && I almost had a real fight tonight!
then he came to his senses called himself a "retard" and admitted that I was right the whole time so i have no reason to be mad.

Then he rubbed me "for real" and showered me with kisses.

OHHHH how ilove this boy!
»  Du • d • ek «
30 January 2008 @ 09:06 pm
Today was just the worst.

I get it. I'm just super stressed, PMSing, due to being on the brown BC pills, and completely stressed with money. I would have been caught up money-wise after this paycheck, if only it wasn't for those bogus tickets. I'm upset with myself for having got them, and annoyed that I have to pay them. Jessie has been great though all this. He has been helping me pay for things the pony needs because he knows I would disregard that ticket to make sure my horse got to eat that week. I love this boy to death. I'll admit it I have made it through some rough times on my own, but having someone there to hold me close and rub me "for real" when I'm feeling down has been whats helping me keep my head above water this time. I need to find a Saturday job for a couple hours. If I can bring in an extra fifty to eighty dollars more a week then I'll be just fine!

School is another story. I'm just so ready to be done with it. I'm ready to move on, ready for a real job, and for that chapter in my life. That chapter, with deep hope, still has Jessie in it... and the pony too of course!!

The pony is another stresser. Basically hes in what I'm going to call rehab. I have to make sure he gets lunged at the job/trot about three times a week. Unfortunately, with my schedule, easier said then done. I also bought containers to pre-package all his meals. I'm afraid he wasn't getting what I wanted with all the grain, stretchers, and supplements, sot his was my quick and cheap fix. We'll se how that goes. Hopefully by spring time we can see a difference and he'll be back to running barrels!!

I feel like I'm so ready to grow up it cares me! When I drive around and see all these amazing houses, you can find me day dreaming about the horse that I want! When i'm at the barn I'm always saying how I would change stuff if it was my place. Don't get me wrong, I'm enjoying my life right now, Where I'm at the opportunities I'm given, the chances 'm taking, and the boy I'm falling head over heels in love with. I dont want to get ahead of myself too much here, but I know i'm happy, and my heart broke when my twenty-five cent ring out of the quarter machine at ACME finally broke after months of constant wear and hand washing at school. Still a little sore, but slightly mended, i look forward to when Jessie surprises me with a fifty cent ring. HA. It's baby steps we want here, remember?

But oh how I miss getting to fall asleep in his arms. ♥ One reason I'm looking forward to that snowboarding trip so much... as Jessie puts it "so we can make up for some lost time." Granted the sex in a real bed again will be a nice touch, but falling asleep with him is slightly higher on my list. Also another added bonus to our Cancun tripe. And even the beach trip for a weekend just the two of us. Gosh how i miss that.

[[ EDIT: I called him today completely upset about how stressed I was and he drove allllll the way over here just to surprise me iwth some cold stone ice cream. ♥ he must love me! ]]

For the record, I think I have done amazingly well adjusting to him being home. There is always food int he house! Healthy food at that! I get a real homemade meal for dinner once ina while, or else his parents take us out to eat, not to mention his dad is always buying me ice cream!!!! Honestly, its a deffinatly brought us closer together like he said it would. Oh and did i mention hot breakfast if i sleepover--just like if i were home! Kinda exciting that its working for us!!

My head is still being held high. y horse loves me, and knows i'm "mommy" Almost makes me cry when Patty points that stuff out to me! I've got a southern gentleman, who tries to give me the world, coming home to only me every night. I'm about half way done making a career for myself, and even though times are rough, I'm still standing on my own two feet. But on a serious note... What more could a girl ask for?!

Yeah, thats what I though;; nothing

Countdown tot he next chapter in my life:
---> about two hundred thousand more moments that take my breath away. And the butterflies at that thought lets me know they're going to be really good ones. ♥
Where you at?: eatin my icecreammmm
Look at me!: draineddrained
Rockin' out too: Jessie's sweet nothing's in my ear
»  Du • d • ek «
26 January 2008 @ 10:49 am
So sadly, miss Guim pointed out to me that I haven't been updating in a while. Goes to show I really am too busy for my own good. I barely have time to finish the mundane tasks that I find myself needing to do every day, and yet here I am wasting a beautiful saturday monring online instead of being with my pony, oh wait THATS CUZ ITS FUCKING FREEZING OUTSIDE!

gosh. anyhow. Jessie has officially turn 21. It hasn't been a week yet, and I'm not hating it. I get those love dovey text messages at two in the morning, and that make me feel all warm and tingly inside. As i pointed out to Jessie, most normal girls would take this as a sign that he fucked up at the bar that night, but I know he's still coming home to me. Which, honestly, is probably why we've been working so well.

On to school. Its bogus, and I hate it. I am almost done though, which is supper exciting! Yay! I'm just getting frustrated with it! I did injections Thursday, and I didn't kill KIM, so thats always a plus, right? Besides figured its just like giving the pony's a shot. ONLY, they bleed more, so what did I have to worry about?!

I really do hate my place of work, but I haven't seem to have been able to find an option at the moment of leaving. Besides, I find it stupid to get a new job for only a little while. So I'm holding my breath and sticking it out. Aren't you proud of me?

Onto the pony news. Its sad news, and I find out tomorrow if hes going to be officially retireded. =( Patty is going to let me know what she thinks his issues are, and how we can solve them. If i have to retire my pony, I'm going to be a royal mess for a LOOONNNNGGGG time.

I don't wanna think about that though. So Anyhow I'm taking Jessie out to dinner and to the rodeo today for his birthday. Should be a good time, i hope so anyway, the tickets were madd expensive, and I totally don't have the money right now...

and why, you might ask, cuz I managed to score myself a $185 worth of tickets and points in Maryland last sunday. Lets not talk about that one either. sound good? Fabulous!

I'm off, to get change and freeze my ass off at the barnnnn. Mann do i miss my pony. I hope he still loves me today.

Later suckerrrsss
Where you at?: the bathroom mann
Look at me!: crankycranky
Rockin' out too: none.
»  Du • d • ek «
05 January 2008 @ 07:35 pm
The uterus is totally bleeding.
Thank the lord!

Yeah, yeah, i Know there are going to be those people out there that are going to be like "serves you right for worrying, you shouldn't be fornicating wtih your boyfriend" well, you know what, You may be right in one aspect, but The way I see it. I love the boy. And dangnammit, I'm going to fornicate with him as I see fit.

On to other news. I bought new scrubs today., Not that Im going to be able to wear them anytime soon, but Its exciting knowing the option is there. =)

&& now I find myself freezing in Jessie's basement watching the Redskins pour their hearts out and not seeming to be able to pull the win. But who am I to say that, they still have a minute fourty-six left to get two touchdowns.

i'm freezing and my fingers aren't registeringwith the correct keys anymore because I cant feel anything.
Oh yeah, and I need my nails done.
Look at me!: coldcold
Rockin' out too: Redskins Playoff game. =\